Fading Lights
by WhenSpeechless-Write.xo
Summary: Just a sweet little ficlet I came up with while listening to music. Very short unusually for me. Please review xx


_A/N:__ A little ficlet I thought of while I was listening to one of my CD's today, and I couldn't help but write it down. Very short (unusually for me) but I don't think it really needs to be very long. Please R&R if you read this, all comments appreciated._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King or any quote used from the TV Anime series._

Fading Lights

I watched the candle flicker out that night. I knew what it had meant. With its vanishing light came a cold fear that gripped my very soul. Thoughts swamped my head as tears flooded my eyes. My heart was pounding furiously, yet at the same time seemed not to be moving at all. Time stood still as I waited for the words that I never wanted to hear. 

_Please don't let him be gone, please, oh, please, don't take him away..._

Mikihisa lay at my side, barely moving. Standing over me was Pillica, her hands quaking like timid leaves in a gale. Over by the door, Yohmei's expression became grave. The next few words to be exchanged would linger with me until my dying day.

"What's wrong, Kino?" His voice rang through the hushed room, booming louder than it ought to have done. Kino seemed unwilling to reply. A long pause ensued. Then... 

"It is Yoh. His light has vanished from this world."

My hand contracted against my will, scratching my leg and chest painfully. My eyes widened. Yet at the same time, I didn't believe a word of any of it. I was expecting everyone to jump through the door, laughing and pointing, exclamations of euphoria bouncing around the room to replace this stunned, empty silence. All my senses were betraying me. I wasn't hearing this, I wasn't seeing this; I couldn't be, because none of it was true...

As though to disguise my disbelief, I stuttered "Does... Does that mean... What does that mean?"

I didn't know why I was asking. I really didn't want to know.

Besides, I never got an answer. When nobody spoke, I didn't know whether I was relieved or more alarmed. No-one would tell me what had happened, and if I didn't know what had happened I wouldn't know how to feel. I would have preferred to have felt pain or pleasure, jubilation or sorrow, or absolutely anything other than not knowing. 

The pure silence that followed my words was almost intolerable. It wasn't long before I reached breaking point. Feeling the grief welling up within me, I got to my feet, my bag slapping against my side as I clambered up in one sweeping motion. The sound made Pillica start, but no-one else turned to watch as I left the room; their eyes were solely upon the now extinguished candle, as though hoping that if they stared at it long enough it would ignite once again.

I didn't realise I had been followed until I made my way up the stone step corridor and out onto the balcony. It overlooked the entirety of Dobi Village. The King of Spirits loomed over everything, his golden light spilling over the people and places all tied together by the contest. I almost felt resentful towards him now, as I thought of what some people were willing to do to in order to gain his allegiance. Because of him, Zeke had taken my Yoh away, to a place where he would be wrapped in darkness, without his loved ones or companions. Or, I thought with a sobbing smile, his cherished cheeseburgers...

"Tam?"

I started, but I didn't reply. Pillica's voice echoed through my head, and I listened to it over and over again. But no matter how many times I let that one word roll around in my head, each time it was overcome with more pressing thoughts. The first was whether he had been in pain, when he had 'left' (I couldn't bring myself to think he was gone forever, and by telling myself he had simply left then there was a faint glimmer of hope that one day he might come back). The second was how I was possibly going to stop myself from crying before Pillica noticed.

It was too late, anyway. She had known I was crying before I had even left the room. Her warm hand landed on my shoulder, and at her touch I felt my will shatter. Overcome with grief, I turned and allowed her to pull me into the most meaningful hug I will ever know. She didn't ask any more questions. She simply just provided a shoulder for me to cry on and a friend to support me. After all, I told myself, it wasn't as though Yoh had really been mine. Anna would be feeling everything I was feeling right now. Or perhaps she wouldn't. Maybe she wouldn't feel as though her heart had been ripped from her body, or that her soul had left her behind. Or perhaps she didn't even know yet...

To tear my thoughts away form those of Anna's face when she arrived at the battle only to find she was too late, I turned to Pillica. Her eyes, too, swam with tears as she raised her hand to wipe my cheeks clean with her sleeve. I could see by her eyes that she was hurting too. But she couldn't be hurting like I was. Nobody could understand how I was feeling. Not even Anna, I decided. 

"Come on." Pillica gave a watery smile which didn't quite reach her eyes, but I knew she was only trying to make me feel better. "Perk up. It might be nothing, you know. Kino isn't that sure of what's going on, it still feels as though he's with us, well, not with us, but there, with everybody out at battle, like he's still a part of it but isn't quite standing and fighting yet, so it may all be a stupid mistake, and he may just be way over there with the King of Spirits and nothing has happened to him at all and it was just a gust of wind that blew out that candle and we may be worrying for nothing, and –"

She fell silent as I shook my head silently, though I was smiling now too. Both Pillica and I knew there was no truth in her words, but just hearing someone else other than me saying those doubts in Kino and the candle, the disbelief of what was happening, the hopes that all was not lost after all brought a little more spirit to me. I felt a fuzzy warmth within me rise like Yoh's candle, a light that – although faded; although battered by the elements and tormented by indecision and the unknown – had the strength to keep on burning, and not matter what, I told myself, this time, I would not let the flame burn out. 


End file.
